I DOUBTED THE SH*T OUT OF MYSELF!
This is going to be honest and raw,
It’s important that I share my moments of self-doubt,
Not just the constant positive stuff
𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞,
It’s only now that I understand it, and am comfortable with it
I can remember when I was in my 20’s,
When bad sh*t happened, I used to get super-emotional,
Tearfully upset
I’d breakdown in a puddle of piss
But I noticed something a couple of years ago,
And it culminated when we were in intensive care with Oshyn,
It was really touch and go,
But even given the circumstances,
𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧,
I actually wasn’t proud of it,
I said to myself, ‘𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦’
And when I look at the way I have dealt with stuff over the last couple of years,
𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤…
Stuff that would send others into a complete mess,
It’s much of the same…
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨, 𝐈 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 ‘𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠?’
But after sitting with this for 2 years,
I think I’ve now come to understand it…
𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞
“𝘉𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 – 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴”
It’s not that I don’t have emotions,
I just have a high tolerance and I don’t let them lead to my self-sabotage.
As a coach, you become hardened by helping people overcome their struggles.
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞, 𝐟𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐬,
𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐚 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲
When you learn to reach out and ask for help
When you learn to no longer self-sabotage
You’re not unemotional,
You’re just no longer a slave to your emotions,
A pinball in a pinball machine…
𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞,
But I felt compelled to write it down and share
Jase